


At all the right times

by fountainsandfun (maiochiruhanabiraa)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Actor Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Caring!Wonwoo, Childhood Friends, M/M, Mention of consensual Underage Sex, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Underage Drinking, Writer Jeon Wonwoo, alternative universe, alternative universe - childhood friends, implied pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26811628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maiochiruhanabiraa/pseuds/fountainsandfun
Summary: Wonwoo marvels over how much comfort the ocean gives him with its mere presence. He hears the ocean wherever he is. He feels himself gravitate towards the sea even when the fragrance of the fields of flowers and the serenity of the mountains entice him. The ocean is his safe place, yet he’s never dared tread its waters. The fear of its depth rooting him into the loose sand, never letting him go far from the shore and leaving him to admire its beauty from afar.Alternatively, Wonwoo and Junhui growing up together as each other’s emotional support.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun
Kudos: 20





	At all the right times

**Author's Note:**

> This one just came to me while I was trying the prompt generator thingy. I had this on my drafts since then and I finally finished it with the guilt of the piling workload I have in my subconscious. So the writing style changes in the middle and the plot goes eh because I just rushed the last two parts to get this out of my head so I could focus on my trees in molecular bio for the rest of the week. I’m sorry, school sucks. I also didn’t want to leave this unfinished lest I lose the idea and motivation, thus we have this unrefined work. Still, I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> This is a self-indulgent fic but I have decided to dedicate this to all wonhuists yearning for wonhui.

\---------- At eighteen --------

Three or maybe four, Junhui fails to recollect, bottles of beer, a dozen games, and probably a hundred songs after, Jun could already feel the alcohol interfere with his cognitive processes. Curled up, lying on his side with his arms caging the knees bent to his chest, on a sofa pushed up against the farthest wall, he faces the crowd of boisterous laughter, an arm’s length from him but sounding a few feet farther away as their words enter his ears but leave undecoded by his brain. 

He yawns and immediately tries to blink away the tears. He feels his body demand for rest having been accustomed to shutting down before midnight strikes for the past couple of days, but his brain will not have him miss another episode of Woozi’s drunk romantic confessions of brotherly love to each member of the group. 

So he rolls over to a sitting position and tries to shift from side to side in efforts of finding a comfortable position, all the while shaking his head to get rid of any drowsiness in his system.

He rests his head sideways and watches as Soonyoung slurps tequila from the indent made by Seokmin’s prominent collar bones and finishes it up with a lick that travels up to Seokmin’s chin. Junhui shudders a bit in disgust together with Soonyoung scrunching his face, hurrying to ask for water while Jeonghan presses on his phone to prompt the name of the person who will take his next dare. Jun is pretty sure he’s still in the game, but his name rarely gets chosen in things like this. He’s lucky, he figures. Jeonghan’s drinking game only ever ends up in people doing stupid or disgusting things whether from their drunken tendencies or Jeonghan’s extreme dares.

However, that is what defines a party or at least it is in the dictionary of senior high school students trying to make the most out of their remaining time before adulthood settles in and the responsibility of being legal chains them down into constant dread for their future. So Junhui wouldn't have this any other way.

Seungkwan approaches him with two glasses in hand: a shot glass filled with clear liquid, gin probably, and another glass of what seems like orange juice for a chaser. Seungkwan pushes both glasses in his direction. Jun takes them, taking a deep breath before downing the hard and clear liquid in one go and immediately soothing his throat with the disgusting watered down juice. He puffs out a breath before pushing the glasses back into Seungkwan’s hands, leaving the younger guy to continue his job doing rounds.

“I don’t think you should have taken that one. You’re gone already.”

“I think I can manage.”

“Let’s pass for around two rounds and see if you can handle more from there, hmm?”

Jun waits for a beat as he relishes on the comfort of Wonwoo’s forefinger lightly brushing his cheeks, like a quick gush of wind, before taking the whole of Wonwoo’s hands into his own and swinging it over his head. Jun rests his head backward and into the crook of Wonwoo’s neck, lips and warm breath brushing the skin. Jun feels a familiar heat start to burn in his chest and steadily spread all over his body. He doesn’t remember when or how long his eyes have been closed, but he does remember to stay awake. 

So he opens his eyes and sees Minghao drinking half a glass of rum for declining the dare. His eyes slip close again and then open to Seungcheol untying the ribbon of Joshua’s beach shorts with his teeth. The howling and cheers mix with the pounding in his head so he grumbles and shifts. 

Jun has thought of it, the future that is, but he figures it doesn’t matter when the fraction of uncertainty is much greater and powerful than any preparation he could ever make. So when the counselor asks about his plans, he responds with college, because that’s what his mother would like and that’s what the society has set him up for way before he took his first breath with his lungs.

“Jun-ah. Jun. Junnie. Hey, Jun. Let’s get you to bed, come on.”

Jun feels light like he’s floating with the feeling of fog clouding his brain and his feet hovering over the ground. He flops back down on the couch failing to support his body weight with the sudden movement. “I don’t think I can stand, Won.”

“Do you just wanna sleep here, instead?”

“No. Bed.”

The next thing Junhui feels is nails painfully digging into his ribs, so he tries to wriggle his way out. “Stop moving, Junnie. I might drop you,” a straining voice said. Wonwoo adjusts Jun in his arms, fingers threatening to leave ugly marks on Junhui’s skin. “Put me down.”

“Are you sure?” Jun confirms with a nod, so Wonwoo bends slightly to place Jun’s legs on the ground, holding his position for a second or two until Jun fully adjusts his weight on his heels. Jun leads the way, letting his muscle memory take full control, walking on his own. When he reaches his room, though, he feels nausea hit him, so he slides down the wall by the door to hold his arms in his hand, willing the waves to still. 

“I wanna throw up,” and Wonwoo lets him. The hand on his back gently caressing the vomit out of him. Jun scrunches his nose in disgust as he wipes away his tears. The aftertaste of vomit is rancid on his tongue and rough on his throat, but it’s nothing water can’t wash, anyway. 

He likes it, vomiting, or at least he doesn’t mind. It clears away the waves in his head, anchoring him down to the ground.

“Won, help me find a sugar daddy?”  
“Do I look like I know how to get one?”  
“Who knows, really. It’s bad to hold prejudices against anyone.”  
“No, Jun.”

“Do you think phone sex operators earn a lot?”  
“You’ve barely kissed a girl, Jun.”  
“Are you dumb? Phone sex is all about words and voice modulation, Wonwoo. One does not need hands-on experience."  
“Then no, no one would pay for the sound of a dying duck.”  
“Excuse me, Mr. Jeon, how would you know what I sound like?”  
“There’s not much difference with a person grunting in pain and a person grunting in pleasure Jun.”  
“Okay, Mister-I-have-so-much-experience-in-bed, I don’t want to imagine what everyone sounds like.”

“Seriously, why are you asking?”  
“Nothing. I’m just thinking of the possible careers I might take on in the future, you know, like the good son I am. You should too.”  
"Unlike you, I actually have a reputable dream in mind, Jun."  
"Hey! Don't look down on sex workers, you ass.

“Wonwoo, how come you already know what you want?”  
“I don’t know. I just always have.”  
“Thanks, helps a lot.”  
“I’m sorry, but I really don’t know Jun. I loved books since I could recognize letters so I guess wanting to be a writer just came naturally?”  
“This is so annoying. I shouldn’t be too clueless and lost just because I wasn’t raised by my parents to be obsessive over things.”  
“It’s okay, Jun. A lot of people realize their dreams much later in life.”  
"And if I never do?"  
"You will. You'll just have to do other things while waiting."  
“Then, Wonwoo, would you be so kind and take me under your wing? Let me follow you to college for now, hm?”  
“Do whatever you want.”

They're both lying down on the bed, him on his side, and Wonwoo on his belly, facing each other with their intertwined hands between them. This scenario feels too familiar, Junhui thinks, like the thought of the weekend coming fast in the middle of the week, like the heat of her mother's wonton noodles, like the smell of the blue blanket he keeps under his pillows. 

He recognizes the same warm feeling earlier blooming from his chest with the familiar scent and sight of the man before him. His fingers are tingling, and he wonders if Wonwoo can feel it: the mild shifting of his blood’s temperature when his mind processes the stimuli from Wonwoo’s touch. So he tests it drawing circles into the back of Wonwoo’s hand, sending the same stimuli back. But Wonwoo doesn’t shift. His hands stay cold, the expression of his sleeping face still, and his breath faint. 

Junhui’s aware of the implications that may come with it. All of it. And if the sun wasn’t rising in just a couple more hours and if his eyes weren’t drooping from drowsiness, or if his blood isn’t intoxicated with alcohol and if Wonwoo was awake to answer him, maybe this awareness could have elicited something from him. Junhui might have felt something.

Instead, Jun wakes up to a hangover. His throat parched, head throbbing in pain, and the feeling of nausea settling in the pit of his stomach threatening to empty his guts. So Jun leaves the recollection of last night’s events to the other members on the breakfast table, laughing off at each other’s antics and whining over the same old habits, like all the other nights before this. 

He knows he’s well-behaved and reasonable when drunk, so he doesn't worry. Besides he trusts Wonwoo when he says Jun didn’t do anything stupid, like all the other nights before this. So he lets himself cheerfully join in the laughter.

\---------- At six --------

Jun remembers having a routine as a child. It's always like this: 

At around 6:30, he wakes up to put on his favorite show.  
At 7:00 he eats breakfast and brushes his teeth and takes a bath.  
At 9:00 he goes to school.  
At 11:00 he eats his lunch and plays on the small playground at school with his friends.  
At 1:00 he sleeps or watches again or reads.  
At 2:00 he goes to his music lessons.  
At 4:00 he runs to Wonwoo's house and waits until Wonwoo comes home from his hapkido lessons and they ride Wonwoo's bike to get to the park in the next town and they climb the tree and that's when, finally, time stops. 

Jun dashes off to hug his favorite tree, girth probably twice as wide as him, branches stretching horizontally, and leaves cascading beautifully as they sway to the wind’s will. 

Jun has already marked off the good and bad branches in his head a long time ago. Right now, he wants to sit on the lowest branch even though it's bad just because he feels like it's a good day to convince Wonwoo to join him.

Wonwoo is sitting on the foot of the tree again, facing the pond with his console in hand, eyes too near to the screen than his mother would like. "Wonwoo, won't you come up?"

"Wonwoo."

"Look, I can see the ocean from here."

"Wonwoo."

"You should look at the sky."

"Won, Won, Won, Two, Two, Two, Three, Three, Three, Won, Two, Three."

"Wonwoo, please."

"I will ask my mom to buy you a bag of those snacks that you like this weekend."

"Come up, Wonwoo. Come" 

There was a sudden loud shriek, immediately followed by a thud. Wonwoo scrambles to look at where the sound came from but he only finds Jun's bag. He looks up at a giggling Jun, "I totally got you," he said in between fits of laughter. Wonwoo’s eyebrows knit themselves together. 

"I already told you a thousand times, Jun! I don't want to climb your stupid tree! I'm leaving!"

"No, Wonwoo! I'm sorry! Please don't leave!" Wonwoo pays him no attention as he picks up his things and starts to walk away.

"I PROMISE I WON'T BOTHER YOU ANYMORE! I PINKY SWEAR ON MY GUMMIES!"

Wonwoo looks back fast, lines Junhui thought never existed marking his face, "On your gummies?"

"Yes! Please! I wanna stay longer."

Jun likes trees: the giant ones with sturdy branches that can carry him as he looks past the canopy staring at the clouds. He liked to stay there for hours doing nothing. He liked the wind. He liked the sky. He liked the leaves. He liked them all. Sometimes, he thinks of living there along with the birds and their eggs so he can spend all his time up in the tree.

He asked his mom about it a lot of times over dinner saying he wanted to have his own house on the tree with a hanging ladder so that Wonwoo and Mom could climb. Mom said no every time saying the tree wasn’t theirs and that if Jun wanted one he’d have to plant his own tree and wait for it to grow, but that would take a lot of years.

Jun was pretty sure he could wait for many years, but they didn't have enough space in their yard, Mom also said. So he cried about it. 

If there is a huge tree near their house, it would be awesome. He wouldn't have to wait for his and Wonwoo's classes to end. He could go in the mornings too. Wonwoo didn't even like trees, so if there was one close to them, Wonwoo wouldn't have to go with him all the time. 

Jun thinks of this on his way home, an hour earlier than scheduled because his teacher had a PTA meeting to attend to. So he turns around and heads to school, some kids probably know where there are trees and maybe they could show him.

They do, and it's amazing. The trees were much bigger and much taller than the ones he usually climbs. He wonders if the air would feel different or if he could also see the ocean from up there. 

He climbs the tree with much difficulty, his chest and arms red from friction, but when he nears the lowest branch, a surge of energy takes over his whole body allowing him to hoist himself using most of his upper strength. He hugs the branch and rests for a bit, but it doesn't take long until he's sitting up to scan the place.

Wonwoo would love this view, Junhui immediately thinks. The ocean was near, so near Junhui thinks he can hear the waves hit the shore. There were nearby trees too. Jun thinks he can climb all of them, mark all the good and bad branches in his head. He tries to go up farther, standing up to reach the higher branches, he wants to see the view covered by the leaves of other trees. Excitement was coursing through him, but then his foot slips. 

He's screaming and then he feels air get knocked out of his lungs. Everything around him was silent. Too silent. So he cries loud. It's too painful. He's afraid. So he cries some more, really loud because it's painful.

Jun doesn't know how long he's been crying, but he's still is. He knows it's not painful anymore, but the tears don't stop racing down his face and Junhui just lets them, the pain no longer his worry. 

"Don't touch me!"

"Jun, it's okay. It's me. It's Wonwoo. You're okay."

"No, please. Don't touch me."

He's still crying but Jun lets Wonwoo when the latter tries to gently hold his hand, the one that wasn't covering his eyes, while Wonwoo lets him cry. 

Junhui doesn't want Wonwoo to leave him alone, so Wonwoo can't go and ask for help. They wait for Jun to calm down, then Wonwoo offers to carry him home. He's not sure Wonwoo can do it, but he wants to go home, so Junhui says yes and he pays no attention to anything else but the powdery smell of Wonwoo's clothes and the wetness of his tears soaking them.

They go to the doctor after getting an earful from Mom about going to climb trees alone. The doctor says it's nothing serious. He can get away with just icing the ugly bruise on his hip and skipping a couple of days from climbing trees.

So when Monday comes and Wonwoo knocks on their door to check up on him, Jun asks him if they could go to the beach instead. They do the same thing on the next day and the following days after. Until Jun feels like he doesn't remember about the trees anymore and the wind and the ocean from up there.

If Wonwoo notices something, he doesn't ask. Wonwoo doesn't ask Jun anything ever. Because Wonwoo knows everything Jun does. But one day, Jun is picking up the crabs trying to escape the hole he's dug in the sand, when Wonwoo asks, "Jun, teach me how to climb a tree."

Jun looks at Wonwoo and it dawns on him. Memories of all the time he spent up on the tree, the wind, and the leaves flashing back. He realizes that maybe he wasn't just crying because it was painful. Perhaps he was crying because he was afraid. He was afraid he wouldn't see the ocean from the tree again and so Wonwoo wouldn't too.

\---------- At twenty-seven --------

The clock is annoying. It's sound ringing in Junhui's ear. Junhui just wants to sleep in silence, to close his eyes, and will his body to rest. But the clock is mocking him, taunting him with those fingers sweeping through the same area and clicking when it's done another lap. It's annoying. Junhui wishes it would stop and at some point in the night, it does. 

But then the lights would peak into his blinds, the heat of the sun would force its way through his walls, and the neighbors and the street liked to sing their songs, clashing with each other and disrupting the air with their vibrations, reminding Junhui that it's morning and the rest of the world is awake.

But Junhui eventually gets used to it, so he slips through this cycle, and when he does, everything seems silent and monotonous and bland. He doesn't seem to mind the sound of the clock or the neighbors or the street; he doesn't seem to notice the heat or the cold brought by the presence or absence of the sub. He doesn't feel anything and Jun wonders if this is how things should be. 

"Jun, I've prepared the bath."

"Jun-ah, clean yourself up, please."

Wonwoo bends down and slips one of his arms behind Junhui's knees, the other behind the neck. Jun flinches upon contact, "It's okay, Jun. It's Wonwoo." Then he pulls Junhui's body close to his chest and hauls him up, walking toward the bathroom. 

Junhui thinks of wriggling away, but his muscles betray him, either too weak or too lazy to contract. 

Wonwoo settles him in the toilet seat, "I'm gonna take your clothes off." He leaves the underwear on and then carries Junhui again into the tub. "Can you do this for me Jun?"

Jun probably nods, because next he's reaching out to get the cloth from Wonwoo's hands and before Wonwoo could move away, Jun caught sight of the long diagonal slit on Wonwoo's skin gaping at him. 

I'm sorry, he tries to say, but the ringing in his ears is too loud and his cries and screams join in, his vision turning red. 

There are moments in a person's life which they consider more valuable than the others, moments they anticipate and moments they keep, and because they consider these with importance, they become obsessive.

Junhui knew about this, so when he felt the uneasiness settle in his stomach, his senses hyper-aware of the details around him thus urging him to do countless rounds to check if everything’s alright, on the eve of his wedding day, he had to forcefully shove these thoughts down with the help of alcohol and slept on it.

Because he's seen it a lot of times in his head already. He wakes up to the birds singing madrigals with his heart thumping to the same beat. Then he indulges himself in a hearty breakfast finishing up with a chamomile tea to calm his nerves. He hops on the shower to refresh, having done all the necessary skin preparation the night before. Then he takes a hundred photos of himself, together with his family, and with his friends, to immortalize the beauty of this day. Finally, when the clock hits 3:00, a beautiful hour when the sky is still brilliantly blue and the sun still up but is low enough not to hurt the skin, time would run slow and he would see every detail of his beautiful bride, eyes shining with tears threatening to fall and hair mildly dancing with the wind, walking towards him, in promise of building a future together. 

Because that's what's supposed to follow months after you get down on your knees and she says yes. That's what's supposed to happen when you visit her parents and ask them for her hand. That's what everyone expects to witness when they receive an invitation and you ask them to come celebrate with you. That's how the events should have taken place after going through every single detail over a hundred times.

Wonwoo checks on Jun a couple of times before Jun finally gets out of the bath. 

Jun doesn't know what to do, so he stands in front of the door. "Come eat," Wonwoo says as if hearing Junhui's thoughts.

They're sitting on the floor in the living room, the way Wonwoo always preferred to eat when both of their schedules weren't tight and they wanted to relax. They would always fight about it, Jun insisting it's uncomfortable and informal and Wonwoo arguing back saying they're not kids anymore and it's part of the full broke college kids experience Junhui needed to know.

They're in the living room, with a random show playing on tv, and Wonwoo incessantly talking about the books he's read, the way they always do when Wonwoo knows Junhui doesn't want to talk about it even though they should. Wonwoo understands Junhui and plays along with him the best. Junhui thinks it’s because Wonwoo doesn’t know what to say.

So they sit on the floor facing each other while they eat away their bowl of noodles steam mixing with the humidity of the summer air making the temperature hotter than it already is. Junhui eats anyway, but he doesn't taste anything. 

Instead, his mind focuses on the sound of coming from the tv with the audience laughing at the emcee's jokes, the sound never leaving his head but instead overlapping with another round of laughter that comes in. He sees Wonwoo's hands, fingers effortlessly manipulating the chopsticks to haul the noodles. His hand reaches out to grab Wonwoo's wrist, fingers clenching the muscles tight. He finally looks up to meet Wonwoo's eyes, the first time since he noticed Wonwoo's presence in the apartment, seeing his reflection in them, and then suddenly everything feels too much.

Wonwoo sets his chopsticks down, hand clamping over Jun's, and continues with his story, never letting even a second pass in silence, while Jun continues to cry.

\---------- At twenty-two --------

Junhui wakes up to the sound of his doorbell ringing in his head and he scrambles fast to keep the guest from waiting. He’s left dumbfounded in his doorstep staring at the assembly of white lilies and yellow gerberas surrounded by baby’s breath. The bouquet screams excitedly at him with the vibrance of green and yellow contrasting the whites. ‘happy birthday, junnie. -wonwoo’ the note says and Junhui laughs, a memory playing in mind.

“Wonwoo, I’ve never been this disappointed with you in my life. How can you come to my birthday party without a gift?”  
“I just didn’t think it was necessary?”  
“Oh my god, how are you so uncultured? It’s my twenty-first birthday. This is equivalent to a girl’s eighteenth or something. It’s a rare and special occasion.”  
“Are you sure that’s a thing?”  
“It is!”  
“Best friend pass?”  
“No! You should’ve been the one with the best gift because you’re the best friend.”  
“Okay then, I’m sorry. I’ll get you a gift on your next one.”  
“Get me flowers.”  
“Seriously?  
“Can’t it be something more useful?”  
“No. I want flowers. Thank you.”

Jun sends a quick thank you over text joking about Wonwoo keeping his promise and making sure to remind him of the party. It’s been a while since they’ve last seen or even just talked with each other, both being eaten up by their own careers: Wonwoo slaved around by his seniors in a publishing company while attempting to write a work of his own, and Junhui beat up by overnight tapings and never-ending photoshoots leaving both adults to have barely enough time for themselves.

They have also gone past trying to update each other, having met too many people the other haven’t to talk about a topic both can relate to. So when their chats became no more than just hi, hello, how are you, and I’m good, or other variants of such far too many times, they formed a nonverbal agreement to just stop.

“Jun! Happy birthday,” Wonwoo says a few beats after Jun picked up the phone.

“Thank you, Won. The flowers are really pretty.”

“You’re welcome. Glad you liked it.  
“Sooo, about the party. I don’t think I can come? It’s Sunday and I’m an office guy,” he chuckles, “as much as I’d love to come, there’s something I have to prepare tonight for tomorrow.”  
“Oh? That’s totally okay.”  
“I’m really sorry, Jun. But I’m sure it’ll be fun.”  
“Yeah, thank you.”  
“Happy birthday again, Jun. Have fun today.”  
“Thank you, Won. Bye.”  
“Mmmm, I’m gonna hang up now.”

“Actually, Won--”  
“Hmmm?”  
“Are you busy today? Like in the morning? Or are you working?”  
“Uh, no, I guess. Why?”  
“Do you wanna drive to the beach?”  
“Oh? Right now?”  
“Uh, yes,” Jun chuckles, “it’s been a while. Let’s hang out?”  
“Don’t you have to prepare for the party?”  
“It’s still eight, Won. I have until three.”  
“But the beach is too far?”  
“It’s okay if you don’t want to, Won--”  
“No, no, no, it’s just too sudden. I’d love to.”  
“Okay! Meet you in an hour?”  
“You know my place?”  
“What do you take me for? I’m your best friend, Won.”  
“Okay, okay. In an hour. Bye.”

The drive was long enough for the pair to work out the minute awkwardness hanging in the air which inevitably grew from all the time they spent apart. It was long enough for them to fight over which song to play next insulting each other’s preferences and stop over by a random gas station to get snacks.  
When they arrive, the sun is fully out making the waters look pristine, shining as they reflect the light coming from the sun. Wonwoo rolls down the window and the winds come rushing into them blowing his hair astray and cooling the sheen of sweat on his temples. 

“We have about an hour or so before it gets too hot to walk in the sand," Junhui says, turning the engine off and grabbing his slippers from the back. Wonwoo nods, leaving the car first but a few minutes later, Junhui runs past him and into the shore giggling at a pitch too high for a man in his twenties. A smile tugs at Wonwoo’s lips and he catches up in no time.

“Let me take this,” Jun says, standing up to answer his phone. They, more accurately Jun, have already run a couple of laps along the shore and have built the sandcastle of the same design as the ones they used to make back home, albeit a little deformed, twice with Wonwoo indulging Jun by playing along when Jun’s phone rang. 

Wonwoo breathes out in content, emptying his lungs before tasting the sea salt as the air travels through his sinuses, smile unconsciously sporting his lips. He closes his eyes to focus on the sound of the waters, letting his thoughts get pulled back little by little every time the volume fades as another wave builds up. Wonwoo marvels over how much comfort the ocean gives him with its mere presence despite his distaste over the creatures it nurtures. He hears the ocean wherever he is. He remembers it in his sleep and on the way home from work. Wonwoo feels himself gravitate towards the sea even when the fragrance of the fields of flowers and the serenity of the mountains entice him. The ocean is his safe place, yet he’s never dared tread its waters. The fear of its depth rooting him into the loose sand, never letting him go far from the shore and leaving him to admire its beauty from afar.

He opens his eyes and Jun offers him a small smile. “Boyfriend,” Jun says, putting his phone back into his pocket. 

“Stop looking at me like that, I am a desirable person, just so you know,”

“Never said you’re not. You just didn’t tell me.”  
“Well, we haven’t really been talking.

“Besides, it’s not like you tell me about your girlfriend.”  
“Right, well. We broke up.

“On good terms, no worries.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“It’s not that bad. I mean, it sucks, but things just weren’t working out. It happens.”

Junhui doesn’t know what to say because it's not like he knew nothing much more than the girl's name and how they met so silence veils the atmosphere. Junhui opens his mouth to say something but before he could Wonwoo flicks his forehead. “It’s okay, really,” so Junhui offers an unsure smile instead while Wonwoo returns a genuine one.

Later, after so much whining from Jun and just as much rejection from Wonwoo, they are walking along the shore with Junhui propped up on Wonwoo’s back, chin comfortably resting on the latter’s shoulders. They talk softly, careful not to disturb the loud conversation of the wind and the water around them. “Are you happy, Won?” Jun asks after a period of silence. It takes Wonwoo some time to respond, “I’d rather say I’m content than happy, I guess.”

Jun only hums so Wonwoo continues, “there’s too much inconvenience in my life right now to be happy like my neighbors playing loud music and my workmates being inconsiderate and my book not making much progress. But I like what I’m doing, my work pays well, and my apartment is near my work, the park, the mall, and the museum so it’s all good, you know? Somehow, it works out.”

“That’s good, Won.”

“Tell me, Jun.”

“I just feel like, sometimes when things get too much or when it gets extremely silent at home, I think of how there's nothing much to me than just good looks. Like, that’s all the reason why people like me, and it scares me because I’ve seen how the industry works. I know everything will fade away with it.”

“What are you talking about?” Wonwoo throws Junhui up a bit, adjusting his grip. “You’re talented Jun, really. And if you don’t believe that, then trust me when I say that I’m sure you were able to fool at least a hundred people to believe that you're worth all their time and money. So when you’re feeling sad, think of those hundred people or something. Whatever, stop being stupid.”

Junhui smiles, “are you one of those people, Mr. Jeon?”

“That is my obligation as your best friend, Junnie. 

“I don’t buy teen magazines because I like them or go to watch romance movies even when I’ve got a thousand pages left to write because stupidly sweet plots brighten up my mood, you know.” 

Junhui laughs at that, “Oh my god! You do that?”

“Shut up.”

“Thank you.”

“Pay me by buying at least ten pieces of my book when it comes out.”

“Of course. I’ll buy you a hundred!”

\---------- At thirty-five --------

On good days, Jun loves doing the groceries, browsing through arrays of products while his mind wanders through all of the possible meals and things he could do with them. As strange as it may sound, he finds the stroll through the chilly packed aisles of the supermarket therapeutic. On bad days like this one, it's just shit. There's nothing much to say because things just don't go his way and every little thing is infuriating. That's why he's in his balcony, fingers fiddling with the keys and wildly jabbing them in the keyhole all the while balancing the bags in his arms. Then, when the contents of his paper bag empty themselves, rolling over the patio, Junhui lets out a hard forceful groan putting all his frustration from today's worth of inconvenience into it.

"Need a hand?" A hint of an almost mocking amusement can be heard, and if Junhui wasn't too shocked right now he would've rolled his eyes at this. 

"When did you get back?" Jun asks the man standing on the balcony opposite of him.

"Came back to Korea about two weeks ago? Then home yesterday," Wonwoo was already picking up some cans of tomato sauce and putting them on the small table by the window. "You never said," Jun feigned hurt picking up the last packs of snacks and finally making the successful attempt of opening his door. 

"It's a surprise?" Wonwoo helps him place the groceries on the countertop and Jun offers something to drink which Wonwoo politely declines.

"It felt like I was working with robots, honestly. That place is run by genius workaholics, day in and out people are constantly producing ideas. That was the first time I ever considered myself as a sloth. I would've come home crying if it weren't a rare opportunity and a life-long dream," despite the whining tone of his voice, a smile is etched on Wonwoo's face and Jun can tell the former is fond of the memories he's recalling as he tells Jun this. 

"You wouldn't have been given the opportunity if they didn't think you're as capable as them, Won."

"Well, I was able to finish it, so it wasn't too bad, I guess."

They share a smile in the comfortable silence that envelops them. There's so much to tell each other in the five eventful years that Wonwoo was away in Japan working in a renowned publishing company and Jun staying out of the spotlight for good to live with his parents and work with his cousin on their own clothing line. Junhui notes of the time displayed on the microwave and slowly moving toward the living room while Wonwoo follows. 

"As much as I love to catch up, I have to pick up my child from school. You should come to eat dinner with us, though. Yingyue would love to meet the man behind all her books," Jun smiles at the image of his daughter getting caught reading with only the small flashlight she keeps on her bedside table way past her bedtime. 

"I wouldn't want to impose."

Jun looks at Wonwoo for a moment or two, eyebrows raised, an amused expression sitting on his face. When he realizes Wonwoo's serious, "Stop being ridiculous! Everyone else is in China right now, so it's just Yingyue and me, if that helps," Jun said chuckling as he locks the door once more.

"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, Wonwoo. Drop by at around 7?"

"You don't have to bring anything!" Jun shouts, pulling out of his parking lot.

It might have been because of his mother’s first-hand experience in failed marriages or it may be just because Junhui’s family was always lenient in following Chinese traditions, whichever it may be Junhui’s grateful for his family’s support when he decided to adopt a child to raise on his own. There has been a lot of doubt in his part, even postponing the adoption for almost a year, but he’s decided to go through with it when the prospect of decorating rooms, buying gifts, and just having someone to care for never left his mind. 

Junhui thought he had anticipated the worst having had his own experience taking care of young Fengjun back in high school. It was only when he’s holding a bundle in his arms in the middle of an afternoon, ears ringing with shrieks and his tears from built-up frustration threatening to fall, did he realize that there was nothing sweeter at that moment than to have someone to toss this problem to. 

“She’s spent. I couldn't stop her from running around. So she slept half of the afternoon session," the teacher tries to explain the groggy child in his arms, eyes squeezed tightly wanting to get more sleep. Junhui offers a warm thank you and tucks his daughter into the backseat, driving slowly to not disturb the peaceful slumber of his daughter.

"Yingyue, I told you, you need to clean up the toys after using them or else you'll lose them," Junhui picks up one toy and tries to get his daughter's attention by blocking her view from the tv. Yingyue spares him and the toy in hand a quick look offering a sheepish smile before returning her attention to the show. 

"It's okay. I will find them."

"No, baby. Listen to dad, please? I might step on them if they're all over the floor."

"Okay! Later, I'll do it."

"Now, Yingyue," the statement gets ignored with the scene on the tv showing the character's new enemy - a buff bipedal dog threatening to ruin their planned picnic out of jealousy. Junhui checks the time before picking up the phone which has been ringing for a while now, "busy?" the man on the other line asks noticing the delay. 

"Not really. I'm just about to prepare dinner though," Jun says moving to the kitchen to wash the vegetables.

"Wonwoo, dear, how are you?" Jun's mom says over his shoulder, interrupting the ongoing conversation Jun and Wonwoo were sharing. "I'm doing well, Auntie. Work's tough, but I'm getting by. I hope you're doing well too. Junhui and Yingyue not too handful for you?"

Mrs. Wen laughs, "They are! Handling two extremely hyper children at this age makes me look older than I already am." Everyone knows she's joking, but Wonwoo still humors her saying she still looks great as ever. 

"I keep telling Junhui, it's the perfect time for him to look for someone already," she gets cut off when Junhui protests yelling a 'Mom!'. 

"No, what I'm saying is, you've already settled with Yingyue. It's already time for you to look out for yourself because in a few years, Yingyue will be off growing independently and I don't think you would like growing old alone, Jun."

"Exactly, Mom. I have already settled with Yingyue. She's all I need."

"Then, who will take care of you?"

"I've taken care of myself all these years, Mom. I'll do well, don't worry," Junhui defends checking if Wonwoo's still on the line.

"Whatever, you want," Jun exhales, glad that his mom decided to let him off the hook. He's sure this conversation will be brought out in the future until his mom is satisfied with his life, but at least it's done for now.

"What about you, Wonwoo? Any plans for marriage? I could at least have you married." Junhui busies himself with the boiling pot of mushroom soup, sparing the phone a glance wondering why the silence sounds stretched. Junhui wouldn't deny he's also curious, Wonwoo being too secretive with his affairs. Then, after a few beats, "you know me, Auntie. Married to books," Wonwoo chuckles.

Mrs. Wen shakes her head accompanied with a sigh of disapproval, "both of you are hopeless. You could definitely marry if you want to. I don't get why you won't."

"It's the generation gap, Mom. Don't worry, I can't say for sure with Wonwoo, but I'm happy," Junhui's not sure it's enough to assure his mother but it's better than not saying anything. 

It's true anyway, he's thought about what he would do rather than being Yingyue's father, and nothing comes to mind. The occasional break downs from burnouts brought by work and fatherhood do shake his resolve and self-esteem, but time and time again he is reminded of the small accomplishments whenever he sees his daughter laughing or whenever she gets cuddly, crying when Junhi tries to get her in her bed and demanding a thousand kisses from her dad. The immense joy he feels whenever Yingyue does the bare minimum like saying thank you when Jun gets her water fills his heart enough to drown all of his insecurities away. 

Junhui smiles, "I realized that married people have expectations that I don't have, and disappointments that I don't have because I'm a single parent. I only have to worry about myself and my daughter. I have full control over how I want to manage things in this house, unafraid of upsetting another soul, and have no other clan to try and please with my parenthood."

They are now sitting on Junhui's couch way past dinner and Yingyue's bedtime. Wine and cheese on the coffee table with only the silent noise of night life surrounding them. Wonwoo and Jun have spent time riding away from the waves of their conversation going over the most random topics that relate to either of their lives.

"I'm glad, Jun. I'm genuinely happy for you. 

"I have to be honest and say that I was worried you decided to adopt a child because you were desperate to try and prove yourself some worth when it felt like you've lost yourself, Jun. 

"I didn't think having a child at that time was right for you, so I tried to stop you, right? Now, I'm really happy you decided to go through with it. 

"You look extremely happy."

"I know. She saved me, and I'll always be grateful for that. But I have other people to thank for, of course. I had my parents, Fengjun, my cousin Minghao, and you to help me get through it. I've been feeling extremely blessed lately realizing I'm surrounded with amazing people."

Wonwoo chuckles, "I barely did anything, Jun. I was away the whole time you were taking care of little Yingyue."

"No. You did the most, Won. You did the most."

They sit in silence. Junhui almost laughs, amused with the familiarity of the atmosphere, smile uncontrollably stretching on his face as memories flash before him. He shakes his head, laughter still threatening to spill over his mouth, when he sees Wonwoo looking at him as if asking him to share his thoughts.

“So Wonwoo, tell me.”  
“Hmmm?”  
“When will you kiss me?”

Wonwoo is here. It’s not like he needed him to be here, but everything definitely feels so much better now that he is.

\----

“There’s too much risk in loving.”  
The young boy said.  
“No.”  
Said the old man.  
“There’s too much risk in not.”

-atticus

**Author's Note:**

> And that’s the end of my first wonhui fanfic, thanks for reading! I hope the time jumps weren't too disorienting, if they are please tell me, I'll see what I can do. 
> 
> I'm happy I was able to finish this though I honestly think the characterizations and the setting could have been better and I could have used around 500 more words to set the mood and tone of the story right, but I had a feeling I won't ever be satisfied so I just decided to publish it.
> 
> Also, the idea came from a plot generator where Wonwoo princess carries Junhui. I originally wanted it to be something like the four times Wonwoo carries Junhui and the one time Junhui returns the favor kind of thing, but I think I kind of lost it in the process. So if you noticed that, yes that was intentional.
> 
> Just in case anyone’s wondering, Yingyue means ‘reflection of the moon’. It wasn’t relevant to the story so I didn’t bother mentioning it. 
> 
> Anyway, I would really appreciate it if you tell me your thoughts about the work in the comments. Thank you, have a good week ahead. Stay safe!


End file.
